Two arials met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Atch!
Atch who?
I'm sorry I didn't know you had a cold!
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one boy rose to his feet. "Now then boy, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter
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Teacher: Where's your homework?Boy: I made it in to a paper plane and someone hijacked it!
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Sarah and Simon were arguing over the breakfast table."You're so stupid," said Simon."That's enough" said their dad, "Simon, say sorry to Sarah.Simon replied "I'm sorry you're so stupid!".
Well maybe those really cheap 'value' crakers from Tesco
Here's some (shamelessly stolen from someone else):
A man walks in to a doctors with a steering wheel in his pants.
The doctor say "That looks painful",
The main replies "It's driving me nuts".
The doctor says to him "I don't think you're eating right"
The doctor winces and say "That looks painful",
The man says "It's just the tip of the iceberg"
O.k. my turn, here's a goodie......
Do you know why the Mafia killed Einstein ?
because he knew too much!
What a classic!
Type in your wildest wishes....
http://gusset.co.uk/funny/ollie.html
.....yes it's silly
Quality!
All hail the Hoff!!!
here is one i heard on holiday from a kid on stage during a little talent show ...about 4 years old .
why did the chicken cross the road
because he was hungry .
hahaha.....strange but funny from a young kid.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of tarmac under his arm and asks for a beer and one for the road.
Man walks into a shop with a fish under his arm and asks, do you sell fish cakes in here? the shop keeper replies yes, why? Oh it's his birthday today.
Rabbit walks into a butchers store and asks "got any lettuce?" Shopkeeper says, "no, we haven't, this is a butchers." Rabbit walks out.Rabbit returns next day and asks "got any lettuce?".Shopkeeper: "As I told you yesterday this is a butchers, we don't sell lettuce." Rabbit goes away again.Third day, Rabbit returns, same question "Got any lettuce?"Shopkeeper is getting angry now "No, we haven't got any lettuce and if you come in here tomorrow asking for lettuce I will nail your ears to the floor!" Rabbit leaves.The next day the Rabbit returns: "Got any nails?""No, this is a butchers not a hardware shop""OK, got any lettuce??"