Jokes - I will only stop if somebody pays me

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Jokes - I will only stop if somebody pays me

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JohnG 01-14-2007, 11:40 AM

Just to show that I still don't know the meaning of the word

Plagiarism.............................

                                                                                                                                    

New Year Nerd Resolutions

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS YOU WON'T
BE ABLE TO KEEP IF YOU'RE A NERD

I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical.

When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"

I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.

I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses.

I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer e-mail.

I resolve to back up my new 400 GB hard drive daily... well, once a week... monthly, perhaps...

I will spend less than five hour a day on the Internet.

I will limit my top ten lists to ten items.

I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.

 

New Year Resolutions

RESOLUTION 1:

    2002: I will not get upset when Charlie makes jokes about my baldness.
    2003: I will not get annoyed when Charlie kids me about my toupee.
    2004: I will not get angry when Charle tells the guys I wear a girdle.
    2005: I will not speak to Charlie.

RESOLUTION 2:

    2002: I will not take a drink before 5:00 p.m.
    2003: I will not touch the bottle before noon.
    2004: I will not become a "problem drinker".
    2005: I will not miss any AA meetings.

 

Re: New Year Jokes - somebody had to change it

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deanoson 01-22-2007, 3:20 AM
see the idea John is to make more realistic resolutions . I mean the ones you made were nigh on impossible , its like Eric saying he will lay off the whisky a bit at the weeked camp or Barbara saying she wont ...no i better not carry on .actually .....

Re: New Year Jokes - somebody had to change it

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JohnG 07-03-2007, 5:29 AM
A horse goes into a bar with a pair of jump leads. The barman says
"I don't mind the long face, just don't try to start anything"

Re: New Year Jokes - somebody had to change it

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deanoson 07-04-2007, 5:52 AM
did you see in the Walthamstow gazette that some crafty thieves stole the portaloos outside the station while the toilets inside the station were being refurbished  . The police say currently they have nothing to go on ...

Re: New Year Jokes - somebody had to change it

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JohnG 07-04-2007, 7:39 AM

3 horses where sat around talking. One said "out of my last 6 races I've only ever come 2nd twice",
the second one said "out of my last 6 races I've won once and come 2nd twice", the third horse said "I've won 3
times". A dog in the corner said "out of the last six races I've won 6".  "Amazing" said the 1st horse "a talking dog".

................. you can blame Ray for that one................

Jokes

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JohnG 10-30-2007, 5:55 AM

A jelly baby and a smartie are in the pub and the JB is bragging about how hard he is. All of a sudden a locket walks in and the JB dives under the table and hides while the locket has a pint and then leaves. 

When its gone the smarite turns to the JB and says “I thought you said you were hard, that locket walked in and you dived for cover”.

JB: I may be hard, but that locket, he’s frigging menthol.

Re: Jokes

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deanoson 01-15-2008, 12:25 PM
ok....will 50p a week be ok to stop the jokes ..... <img src="http://www.foxes2.be/smilies/1348.gif" border="0" />

Re: Jokes

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JohnG 01-15-2008, 12:31 PM
50p, I don't know are there any other offers?

Re: Jokes

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deanoson 01-15-2008, 12:37 PM
and a copy of Christmas with Christie , featuring such classics as let it snow ,let it snow ,let it snow ...winter wonderland...i`ll be home for christmas ...and the one and only Is this the way to amarillo .

Re: Jokes

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JohnG 01-15-2008, 12:39 PM
If I stop will you NOT give me those .....  Pleeeeease

Re: Jokes

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deanoson 01-15-2008, 12:43 PM
success at last .......<img src="/emoticons/emotion-5.gif" alt="Wink [;)]" />

why are these smilies not working ....!!!!!

Re: Jokes

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JohnG 01-15-2008, 1:00 PM
I give in not (yoda)

Re: Jokes

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deanoson 01-31-2008, 7:00 AM
hi Yoda ....joke i have not. But more posts than you .....i do have now ....indeed .

Re: Jokes

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JohnG 01-31-2008, 7:08 AM
For long not I think

Re: Jokes

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deanoson 01-31-2008, 7:17 AM

i hope we are not going to start posting replies just to add to our post total ...

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